In support of women’s mental health

 Mental illness affects us all, whether it is because we are dealing with it personally, or we have family or friends who are experiencing difficulties. I have family and friends who have suffered depression, my grand-mother had Alzheimer’s for years before she passed away, I have members of my family who have schizophrenia and a cousin who killed herself a few years ago as a result of schizophrenia. I see homeless people all the time close to where I work and sometimes I wonder if I one day I could be affected so much by a mental illness that this could become my life. I do know that no one is immune to mental illness, it could affect anybody we know.

I have volunteered for a year in suicide prevention center and I currently work in a suicide research center where we are developing an amazing program for kids to develop coping skills that will help them deal with a variety problems and hopefully will give them more tools to deal with their problems in adult life. One of the motivations for this program is that research has shown that people who commit suicide have a smaller variety of coping skills that they know and use.

I’m saying all of this so that you know why this cause is very dear to my heart and why I ask for your support.  

A dear friend of mine, Amelia, lost her own sister last year. Rebecca had been suffering from schizoaffective disorder for more than 10 years when she passed away last year, one week before Amelia’s wedding. It has touched me deeply. In June, Amelia will be riding her bike in support of the cause to remember her sister and I would like to help her raise a few dollars. So if you want to help me support her, you can make a donation by clicking here: http://my.e2rm.com/TeamPage.aspx?teamID=376137#.UY0d9vrrGDA.facebook

And thank you!

A recap and a plan

Today I want to share my plan for this summer in terms of events. But before I do that, I also want to do a recap of what I did last year because I haven’t shared the whole thing with everyone and if I look back on it, I think it’s quite impressive (despite the fact that I’ve gained some weight back throughout the summer). So here are the events in which I participated in 2012 with regards to the sports that I practice and the events for which I am registered for in 2013 (a few events might be added to that list).

Events in 2012

·         March 10^th: 7^th Annual Shamrock run. Tipperary Hill, Syracuse, New York : 4 miles run

·         March 25^th : La Printanière, La Salle, Quebec : 10k run

·         April 29th : Scotia Bank half-marathon, Montreal, Quebec: 21k run

·         May 26^th : Parcours Bougez Santé, St-Hubert, Quebec : 5k walk

·         June 1^st-3^rd : triathlon training camp, Lake Placid, New York (with triathlon club ‘Orange’)

·         July 14^th : Triathlon Saint-Lambert, Quebec : 300m swim, 12k bike, 2.5k run

·         August 19^th : volunteer at ironman Mont-Tremblant

·         September 8^th : Esprit triathlon, Montreal : 750m swim, 20k bike, 5k run

·         September 23^rd : Marathon Oasis, Montreal : 10k run

·         December 1^st: Santa shuffle race, Mount Royal, Montreal : 5k run

Events in 2013

·         April 21^st : Course MEC, Longueuil : 5k run

·         May 31^st : tour de nuit, Montreal : 25k bike

·         June 2^nd : volunteer at tour de l’Ile de Montreal

·         July 13^th : Mitsubishi City Chase, Montreal : 6hr challenge throughout the city

·         August 11^th : Cazenovia triathlon, New York : 800m swim, 22.5k bike, 5k run

·         September 8^th : Esprit triathlon, Montreal, Quebec : Olympic relay : swim and bike portions : 1.5k swim, 40k bike

Project 30 days

A friend of mind has decided to take a 30 day challenge and is asking people to join her with their own challenge. See her blog for more details: http://www.trimommylife.com/p/project30days.html. If you decide to do the 30 day challenge, you have to find something that you’ve wanted to do for a while and that you want to commit to for 30 days. It doesn’t have to be something big.

Before the 30 day challenge, I had already taken a commitment to follow a certain plan for a month. I will extend this to the end of April (minimum) to keep with the rules of the 30 day challenge. I will also add two other 30 day challenges. Here’s what my three challenges for April are:

1) Challenge #1 : 30 days without sugar. I have made the commitment that I will not eat or drink anything that has sugar in it for one month. The rationale behind this is that some people say that sugar is like a drug, the more you eat it the more you want it. I’ve experienced this first-hand a few times and more recently when I’ve fallen off the wagon and started eating crap last year after months of eating right and exercising regularly. I started to eat crap and then it just got out of control, I just wanted more and more all the time. And when you’re in a period where there’s a lot of stress, it’s very easy to just give in. I’m not saying that I will never eat sugar again because it tastes really good, but I do feel that doing this now will help me lose some of the weight I’ve gained back.

In case you are wondering, my commitment means that I will have no chocolate, maple syrup, honey, soda, juice, dried fruits, granola bars, cake, brownies and some fruits that have high fructose in them like pineapples, grapes or cherries. Now you might think I’m crazy here, but I will also avoid bread, pasta, potatoes, rice and grains (because they apparently work somewhat like sugar in the body). Now, there are different opinions going around about this and you are entitled to yours, I myself was pretty hard to convince! But I do intend to honor this commitment.

2)  Challenge #2: Cleaning up the dishes before I go to bed. Now, that might seem like a no brainer, but I do tend to wait the day after to clean my dishes. After a long day, I’m tired and I just really don’t feel like doing the dishes a lot of time. The problem with this is that I start the morning with a sink full of dishes and it just adds some stress to my day.

3) Challenge #3: Preparing my snacks and lunches the night before I go to work. Because I waste a lot of valuable time in the morning doing that and because I want to do that before I do the dishes so that my sink is not full of dishes when I leave my home in the morning.

Here we go, those are my challenges. Will you join us with your own challenge?

The process of weight loss

I haven't written in here for a long time. One of the reasons is that I've been struggling a lot with my weight, I've gained some back and I am losing some of it again, albeit very slowly. I felt like this blog should remain hopeful and positive and I wasn't inspired to share anything. Today, I would like to talk about this whole process of weight loss and what it has given me along the way.

A lot of people think that they understand obesity and they judge it. If it were that easy everybody would lose weight. It's not! Weight loss is a process. It's not typically something that you can just decide to do one morning by sheer motivation. It's not black and white, there's a lot of gray in there. That's why we need to keep trying. That's why we need to keep learning.

Through the process of weight loss, I have become more and more introspective. I have spoken to people about my feelings and insecurities. Some people have judged me, thought I was weird and wanted me to think and be more like them. Some of those people are not in my life anymore. Other people listened, some thought I was weird, but embraced that weirdness. Those people are still in  my life today. They are part of the reason that I am beginning to get stronger again. I now choose to surround myself with people who have a positive and open outlook on life whenever possible.

The weight loss process has changed me tremendously over the years. I have learned a lot about myself. In the process, I've lost my self-confidence in a lot of things. I've learned that things which I had always believed to be true might be different than what I thought to begin with. The process of weight loss has made me weaker only to bring me back to a stronger self. I've grown to be less judgmental of other people, as well as more open to differences and new things. This process is bringing me to do things which I never thought I would do. And I keep learning. This process is not over...

My first sprint triathlon!

This is my race report of my first sprint triathlon which I did last Saturday.

The weather: I was very nervous about the weather predictions; it was supposed to be rainy with some lightning...I was wondering if it would be dangerous, what they would do if there was lightning and if I should get a rain coat (really!!!). It turns out the weather was pretty nice. Not too hot, not rainy at all, pretty sunny, and somewhat windy. Yes windy, although I can’t really complain because the wind was much stronger for the athletes who started later than me. So the weather was great!

The people: My mom accompanied me to the race and my sister and niece came to see me at the finish, which was nice. I saw a few people from the tri club which was nice as well. Mostly, what was really nice was seeing a former co-worker of mine. I left my former job a year and a half ago and we had begun to talk about triathlon back then, but none of us had done one. And now here we were, doing this triathlon together, and starting in the same wave. I was happy to have her there.

The t-shirt: I was very proud to be doing this triathlon wearing a t-shirt that my coach had made. Many people wore that t-shirt as support because she was doing her first ironman the day after my triathlon. So I wore the t-shirt to support her. But mostly I wore it because I was so proud to wear a t-shirt that represented her (www.trimommylife.com). This woman has had a huge impact on my life in the last couple of years. She guided me through my first running steps, baby steps at first. She suggested that I start swimming again after I hadn’t swum in many years. She was there to teach me stuff about bikes after I hadn’t biked (other than on a BIXI) for more than 20 years. She also was very helpful in figuring out a few things that I was doing wrong in terms of nutrition. She welcomed me into her home a few times so that I could spend a few weekends training with her (she is in another country!). She was there every step of the way while I lost 60+ pounds. She is a very important part of my support system. So I was happy to wear that t-shirt for her.

The swim: I like swimming. I’m a good swimmer. Technically, I think that swimming is the easiest sport in triathlon for me. But I usually swim in a pool. This race was not done in a pool; it was done in open water (well sort of!). This was the third time I swam in open water. It was the second time I swam with a wetsuit (the first time I really didn’t swim very far). And it was the first time I swam with so many people swimming around me. Was I nervous? Oh yeah! I’ve heard stories of people panicking in their wetsuits, so there was a bit of stress here. I started out next to my former colleague. I intentionally started a little in the back so that I wouldn’t be with the crazy crowd. However, I did start on the right side of the crowd which in retrospect was probably not my best idea since this was the shortest route (we were turning to the right at the buoy). There were quite a few people around me, but I took my time swimming. A few times I started going faster and wanted to pass some people, but they were everywhere and as my heartbeat was going faster I felt a bit panicky so I slowed down. A couple times, I stopped swimming and I looked at the buoy and felt it was so far away I didn’t know how I could finish the whole thing (the waves were coming towards us then so it may have seemed longer than the same distance would have been in the pool). And then I thought of my former colleague who had told me at the start: ”whatever happens, just think that we’re doing this together” and it helped to calm me down. About halfway to the first buoy, I felt a huge pain in my neck. I figured it was the wetsuit, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. I’ll know to put some glide on my neck before the race next time! I had a huge red spot/scratch that stayed a few days after the race because of that. Finally, I got to the first buoy and I felt like I was getting somewhere. Getting to the next buoy was ok. The last part of the swim was much easier with the waves pushing me to the shore and not as many people around me, that last part felt very comfortable. Time for the 750m swim: 19:27

The bike: For the bike portion of the race, I had to do 4 laps of the course. The first half of each lap was really hard because we had the wind against us. It felt sort of like going uphill for the first half of each lap and I really haven’t practiced hills that much, so it was hard. People kept passing me. The second part of each lap on the other hand was SO MUCH FUN! As soon as I turned around I switched gears and pushed as hard as I could and I passed quite a few people. I think I was going faster than I ever have while practicing and IT WAS FUN!!! I loved the feeling. At one time, I decided to get some water on that half of the lap and my bike wobbled a little bit so I figured maybe this was not the right time to do this and I waited to the other half to get some water. So, that’s the bike! Time for the 20k of bike : 50:53

The run: Again, the first part of the run was hardest because we had the wind against us. I felt I was doing pretty good though and I just kept running. At one point, I noticed some people running on another path and I wondered if I had taken the wrong path at the transition. There were actually 2 paths. People who were doing duathlons had to take another path and I felt like I might have taken the wrong one. This really worried me because if I was on the wrong path, I was on a 10k path rather than a 5k path and I just didn’t want to do a 10k right then and there. I was SO relieved when I saw a couple of runners on my path with a white bib, like me, meaning they were doing the sprint as well. Thank you! I think I realised after the 3^rd kilometre of running that I was going to be able to finish the race under 2 hours. It gave me wings...that and the fact that I now had the wind going in the same direction as me. For the last kilometre, I felt like I was flying. I smiled that whole last kilometre. It felt great!!! Time for the 5k run : 41:00

The transitions: The transitions went smoothly. I didn’t rush. I felt strong. The swim to bike transition was good except for the fact that we had to climb up and down some stairs to get to the transition area and I’ve heard a few stories of people wobbling after the swimming so I was holding the sides of the stairs quite a bit to make sure I didn’t fall. In the bike-to-run transition, I was accompanied by an emergency car coming behind me. It felt like it was behind me and I panicked a bit because I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. Should I stop? Do I get a penalty if I don’t stop? It got me a little bit disoriented and I think I slowed down because I wasn’t sure what to do. It turns out it was coming beside me rather than behind.

This is the second time I do a triathlon Both times, the transitions times were not recorded. They are included somewhere with the other disciplines. I knew where they were included for the first triathlon, but this time I have no idea. This is starting to piss me off because I was looking forward to see my exact time for the different disciplines and my times for the transitions. Hopefully, the next triathlon I pick will be one where the transition times are clearly separated from the three sports.

Inspirations: I hope that this report inspires you like other people inspire me constantly. Here are three of them:

• my friend Amelia who really is the reason that I ever thought I could run in the first place. Thank you!
• my coach and friend Kelly, who has guided me through all of this triathlon training. Thank you!
• and finally, Karine, another member of the tri club, who has done ironman two times after losing a lot of weight and who inspires me to want to tackle even longer distances. Thank you!

All in all, this was a great race for me (Total time : 1:51:18; 37/43 in age group). I enjoyed it very much and it has made me want to keep going. I’m not sure what I will do next year yet, maybe other sprints, maybe an Olympic distance...You will just have to wait and see!

The right choices

So, in June, I was supposed to cut the crap! That plan didn't work very well. But I need to keep trying to figure out what I need in the present so that I can eat right. Some people say that you just need to decide to eat right and do it, but I garantee you it's not always that easy. I will keep on trying because I believe that I can, because I have done it in the past and because I am strong. Here's a little something I'm trying this week. I'm writing it here because it might be useful to some other people trying to eat right. This week (and more), every time I sit down to eat, I plan to read the following :

Making the right choices with regards to what I eat is not supposed to be easy. Just like running 5k's, 10k's and a half-marathon wasn't supposed to be easy. But I did all of the above before and I believe I can do it again because I'm strong. I want a strong mind AND body so I need to ask myself this question : Will the choice I'm making right now propel me in an inspiring future or will it keep me in the past?

That's it for now!
P.S: First triathlon EVER is coming up in two weeks!!!

Cut the crap!

Losing weight takes effort. Research shows that maintaining the weight loss is even harder. I didn't want to believe this. I felt like I had found what worked for me and I just needed to keep doing what I had been doing. The problem is : life changes, your workplace changes and doesn't have quick healthy cafeteria meals, you move and the supermarket is a little farther, you have to switch gyms, you have to go out of town for work more often and it gets harder to keep eating right, etc. And when these changes happen, it's easy to relapse and fall into old habits. And you have to find ways to adapt and figure out what will work for you all over again.

I relapsed and I know it's normal when you're trying to change a behavior, but I find it really hard because I worry about gaining the weight back. I gained back 20 lbs since last summer and I've tried many things to get back on track, but I haven't been very successful so far. The biggest problem is that I started eating crap again and I need to figure out a way to just not to that.

A few years ago, I decided to give myself a birthday gift by stepping into a gym and hiring a private coach. Tomorrow is my birthday and I've decided to give myself another gift. Tonight, I'm  making the decision to not eat crap for the next month. Until the end of June, I will not let mysef eat French fries or soft drinks , I will increase my intake of fish and veggies, and I will stay away from juices or sweet beverages. I will allow cake and chocolate for my birthday and on a couple of social events happening in May and June. But that's it! I'm deciding to cut the crap this month and I'm writing about it here to hold myself accountable. This is serious! That scale needs to go back down, if it means carrying tuna cans around, that's what I'll do. Wish me luck!

Half marathon race report

Today was the day I ran a half-marathon. I also said I would write my first official race report about it, so here we go.

Yesterday, I ate as I should have and I had a good night sleep. This morning I woke up ready to run and took a very light breakfast. I sort of forgot what I was supposed to eat. For some reason, yesterday I threw away the banana I was planning to eat this morning (although coach did say no fruits, so I figured it wasn’t such a bad thing, except for the fact that I wasn’t sure what to eat anymore). I ended up having some yogurt with maple syrup and a clif bar a little closer to the race (oh, and a gel cause I was worried I would get hungry!). I just really didn’t want to eat too much because I have the habit of stopping 2 or 3 times to go to the bathroom when I do my long runs. So, moving on...I got dressed and took the bus and got to the race location.

Last race I did was a 10k, I was way overdressed and it got very uncomfortable towards the end so I didn’t want to do the same mistake. I ended up wearing short pants and I was really cold until the race started, I saw a few people shiver even. But then it started and again, I had to take one of my tops off so I was happy with my decision. Taking off my top was a little complicated...kinda funny, I took the sweater off and then proceeded to tie around my waist, but the t-shirt got stuck somewhere in the fuel belt and it took my at least 2minutes to figure out how to make things comfortable. Eventually,I just had to give up! There were spots in the race when the wind was really cold though and I figured maybe I should the sweater back on, but concluded that it might get too complicated so I just decided to be cold. I was glad I at least had my gloves.

Like I said, I tend to go to the bathrooms a lot on my long runs, so I didn’t want to take any chances and I went a couple times on location before the race began. About half an hour before it began, I went out to the start line and what do you know, 5minutes before it starts, I need to pee real bad. No time to go now, so I just wait for the start. There is a toilet 1,5 kms after the start, but there’s no way I’m going there this early or I’ll have to go 2 other times. So I wait until we come back to this spot at 5,5 kms. And then I go! I was very surprised that I didn’t need to go even once after that J

It was a really nice race. Throughout it, there were people cheering and this is very helpful. If you ever volunteer at a race like this, make sure you don’t forget the people who finish later. They need the support!!! I even came across the tri club coach between kilometres 6 and 7. I didn’t expect this and it was really nice! I especially liked the cars honking and people in them cheering after kilometer 20, when the roads were reopened to cars. The nice thing is the sun was there and the view was great so close to the water! I really appreciated the fact that between kilometres 7 and14, you could see the people in front of you and the people behind you (yes, there were some!).

Three ladies were especially helpful for me in this race. I will call them the blue, the yellow and the grey ladies. I came upon the blue lady around kilometre 4 or 5. She was in front of me and I eventually passed her, but then I went to the toilet and had to work a little to pass her again. We passed each other a few times as I was trying to keep up with her (without running too hard) and then I lost her behind somewhere.

The yellow lady was quite interesting. She kept stopping running to walk and whenever I got passed her, she would run passed me, got a little in front, and then started to walk again. Around kilometre 11, I ran past her and told her we were almost on the other side where the wind would be on our backs. She grunted and started running to pass me. I told myself then: ”I’ll pass you lady”. We did the little dance for a while and then around kilometre 13, I could hear her footsteps behind me and decided then that she would not pass me again so I increased the speed a bit. This is pretty much when coach had told me to increase my speed anyways J. I lost her behind and never saw her again! My legs started to hurt at that point.

The grey lady came next. As I was getting away from the yellow lady and closer to the grey lady, the latter kept looking back to see if anyone was close to her, she walked, and whenever I got closer to her, she would run a bit, pass me, and start walking again. My thought was, girl if you stopped looking behind you and kept running instead of walking you would be way ahead of me. Little did she know that my game plan was to increase my speed again towards the end of the race. I lost her behind me around km 18. Then I passed a few other people, some who were walking, and nobody passed me again, because I still had energy, I still had juice!

The last kilometer was long. I passed a volunteer, smiled at her and told her it was windy. She said yeah, I’ve been freezing here for the last three hours! Really, lady? What do you think I’ve been doing for the last 3 hours? Towards the end, I was greeted by my mom, my two sisters and my nine year old nephew. I ran the last few meters with him which was really nice. He told me that he could run faster than me J. He gave me a nice little gold medal that he and his mom had made for me. I finished within my goal of 3hours. My watch said 2h56. Their clock said 2h59. Whatever, I’m still under 3 hoursJ

Post-race : my legs hurt, I have a hard time sitting down and walking down the stairs. I told my mom and my sisters that I’m not going for the marathon or even another half-marathon quite yet. I had myself a huge poutine and I’m happy! Nextgoal : triathlon!

From 300 lbs to 21k

A few years ago, back in 2005 or so, I stepped on a scale one night and it showed me that I weighed 300 lbs. I had been avoiding the scale for a while deciding after a few yoyo attempts at weight loss that I would start trying to lose weight again only if I was really serious at making the efforts it required. That night, I decided it was time. The next day was my birthday and I decided to give myself a gift. I went to the gym and got myself a private coach. It was a program that was meant to last only a few weeks and I managed to lose 15 lbs that I never gained back. Since then, I have tried many things to figure out what would work for me in terms of exercise and eating right. And I have slowly lost some weight without gaining it back.

Then back in December 2010, I started working with my current coach. A month later I was running and swimming and eventually biking. In 2011, I ran five 5ks and one 10k and lost 70 lbs. One of my goals this year was to run a half-marathon (21k). This is happening TOMORROW!!! I have trained for it and I’m ready, but I have had a hard time this week getting myself in the right mind for it. Work has been busy, I’m also back in school to finish a class that was put on hold because of the student strike. I have been exhausted all week and the fact that I will be running it alone, that I will probably finish last and that I gained some weight back is making hard to see it as a success, BUT IT IS!!! I know that I can run it and that I can finish it. I know that there will be people waiting for me at the end. Also, the fact that this is something I wasn’t even dreaming of 2 years ago and that not that many people do makes it a success. So I will do this with my head high tomorrow and be proud of myself no matter what. Stay tuned for my first official race  report...

A little game of tag

So I got tagged and I have to answer a few questions and make up some more. I thought it would be fun.  So here are the rules and the answers.

Rules

1. Post these rules

2. You must post 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
5. Go to their blog and tell them you’ve tagged them (I'm actually doing this on facebook since I'm not writing that many blogs on a regular basis).
6. No stuff in the tagging section about you are tagged if you are reading this. You legitimately have to tag 11 people

11 random things about me

1. I witnessed the birth of my oldest nephew 21 years ago.
2. I feel more comfortable with older kids than with babies.
3. I get bored if I have to do the same thing over and over again.
4. According to fortune tellers, I have been a nun, a rich philanthropist living in Africa, and working in an orphanage in past lives.
5. I like watching movies with a sad ending.
6. If you tell me I can’t do something, I will probably try to prove you wrong.
7. I go to bed very early and I have a very hard time staying awake when I have something planned after 9 PM.
8. I like doing genealogy.
9. One of the things that attracted me to nursing was that it was a skill that I could use to do humanitarian work. Now that I’m not going to be a nurse, I’m being challenged to figure out how and where I will help while working with my strengths in the most useful way.
10. I learned my English watching soap operas and then going to an English college.
11. Countries I would like to go to : Ireland, Italy and Australia.

Kelly’s questions
1. What is the thing in your life you are most proud of? A year ago I would have said getting my master’s degree in criminology. Now I say losing 70 lbs in less than a year for a grand total of 110 lbs away from the heaviest I’ve been (I did gain a few back, but not too much).
2. What is your biggest regret? I try not to live with regrets. If I find that I regret something, I try to do something about it in the present.
3. If you had to eat just one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Chicken, because I don’t think I could survive on poutine and chocolate.
4. Do you give up things for Lent? If so, what are you giving up this year and why? No.
5. What is your perfect evening? Being outside by a campfire with friends, including a guitar player.
6. Do you have siblings? If so, do you buy into the whole birth order thing?I have 2 older sisters. Do I buy into the birth order thing? Yes and no.
7. What is your favorite thing to cook? Spaghetti sauce, for the time to relax, the smells and the couple bowls I get to eat while it cooks.
8. In what kind of social situation do you feel most comfortable? When there’s just 2 or 3 people or when we play games.
9. In what kind of social situation do you feel most awkward.? When there’s a lot of people and the goal is to get drunk.
10. If you could go back to college, would you? I wanna say no because I prefer trying to live in the present. But I wanna say yes if I could go back and take more risks.
11. What quality do you possess that makes you a good friend? I’m a good listener.

 My 11 questions for others to answer

1. What do you like to do for fun?
2. Someone you admire? And why?
3. Favorite sport / hobby?
4. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
5. Favorite food?
6. Best present you ever got?
7. Worse present you ever got?
8. Best quality?
9. Your best tip to save time?
10. If you could go on a trip, free of charge for a month, where would you go?
11. If you knew you had just one week left to live, what would you do?

A weekend filled with sports and a certain pair of old skates!

You wanna know what I'm doing these days? Try sports! This weekend was mostly about that, sports. I'm exhausted! But in a good way :)

I started off Friday night with a new zumba class. A friend and I got a good deal, 10 classes for 25$ so we're trying it out. I'm a REALLY bad dancer, but it was fun and it made me laugh.

Second sport of the weekend was ice skating with another friend. It was my first time this winter. Those who know me know that I was an ice skater from 5 years old to about 18 years old. I wasn't the best skater, but I did sit spins, camel spins, back spins, axels, double jumps and a whole bunch of other stuff on those skates. But I pretty much stopped ice skating after 18 except on a few occasions here and there. There was also a point where my old skates didn't fit anymore because my feet had gotten too swollen. I had gotten a new pair, but I didn't use it very often and it hurt every time I used them. I kept the old skates though because I always believed that I would wear then again and I did Saturday. THIS was such a huge success for me! I had a lot of fun with my friend Andrea who was very gracious in letting me brag about all the stuff that I could do and which I haven't been able to do when I was obese (things that seem ridiculous when you know what I was able to do before), things like crossovers, arabesques, back spins, sit spins. Although I do admit the spins and jumps weren't the best and I did get a bit dizzy with the spins. I guess I need some practice!

Third sport of the weekend, maybe I should say "sports", were swimming and running. Yes my friends, I have registered in a triathlon club! This was the second week and this morning started off with an hour of swimming and an hour an a half of running. I am completely exhausted, but feeling good! I might need to do a little less next weekend if I want to start looking for a new bike. I mean, it is kinda weird to be in a triathlon club and not have a bike! I can't really use bixis for triathlon, I'm already slow enough as it is :) Good thing recovery week is coming up!

Pushing your limits and respecting your limits

Well hello again! It's been a while! Let's just say I've been busy trying to fit everything into my schedule. I keep adding stuff to my schedule and sometimes it's difficult to drop things to make sure I have sufficient time to relax, but I'll get there...

I have become a great fan of pushing my limits, of not letting my fears define me. In the last few years, I have made it a point of doing things that I have avoided out of fear: fear of being judged, fear of not being capable of doing it, fear of not fitting in, fear of failing. I always get a thrill out of doing something that I never thought I could do, just to name a few : being in a play, accepting to be myself even if it means that I am different, allowing myself to be vulnerable rather than trying to be perfect, doing interviews and, of course, running! This quest to conquer my fears is not over, because there are still quite a few out there.

That being said, wanting to overcome your fears sometimes means that you want to do a lot of things and that you need to find time, you need to organise your time around new goals, new priorities, and it is not always easy, which is where another principle comes into play, respecting your limits. I have always been a great believer in that principle, sometimes it has played tricks on me because it has made me put limits on things that I was avoiding out of fear rather than because they were real limits. It means that I avoided going swimming out of fear of being judged because I was fat (and made myself believe that being too fat was a limit), it means that I dropped a class once because there was an oral presentation to do (my "limit" was that I was too shy), it means...well...you get the point.

These days I'm continuing to overcome my fears with the following goals : to run a half-marathon at the end of April, to do a triathlon in August, to do courses related to intervention in criminology and to get clinical experience next year. Among the fears I need to overcome to reach those goals : running in colder weather, buying a bike and learn to take care of it, swimming in open water and of course to doing face to face interviews.

To achieve these goals I need to follow the plan, but I need to respect my limits. It means I have to drop volunteering (this will be done at the end of December) to get some more free time, it means I need to say NO at work when the schedule doesn't fit with my plans (this week would have been a good time to do that), it means I need to stay sane by making time to be with friends (whether they call me or not), it means I need to take time to just relax and do nothing (I find this very hard to do), it means I need to forget about having a perfectly neat and organized appartment (this...not so hard!) and it means I have to respect the limits set by my budget (I'm still in denial about the loss of salary caused by my being part-time to go back to school). All of those have been very hard to do lately, and hopefully it will help to write about them.

Finally, to achieve my goals, I need to remember the why's  I need to remember that I'm doing all of this because it allows me to grow, it allows me to enjoy successes and it allows me to just be myself. So there! In the end, I believe it's all worth it and I encourage you to push your limits, but to respect your limits as well.

Loneliness

I came upon a very sad story this morning which said that, last year, 388 persons in Quebec died without their bodies being requested by a next of kin for funerals. Apparently, there has been a 27.6% increase of this phenomenon between 2008 and 2010. It is caused by various factors including the aging population and broken family ties in the case for instance of youths living on the streets and people with mental health problems. I find this very sad and I do hope that I’m not too alone and lonely when I die.

This news made me reflect on loneliness. I hear about loneliness a lot when I do my volunteering in a suicide prevention help phone line. Sometimes people are really alone. Sometimes, they have drained their families and friends so bad with their problems that the family and friends moved away from them purposely. Sometimes, they just feel alone. When you go a little further, you can help them realise that they do have people around them that care about them. Sometimes they just worry that they will bother them, but they don’t check if they’re right.

Now...this is not something that I admit easily because it makes me feel vulnerable and I don’t like it...but I feel lonely too sometimes, especially at a particular time of the month J. I’m sure it happens to many of us in this individualistic society of ours, we just don’t like to admit it. What do I do when I feel lonely? I try to get rid of the feeling: sometimes I will call up a friend to see them, “sometimes” I will go for a run...although I do tend to forget about this coping mechanism J, sometimes I will go out to a restaurant...sometimes it will be good food, sometimes it will be a bunch of crap...sometimes I will go see a movie, sometimes I will put up the volume of my music really loud, sometimes I will go and buy a book or borrow one at the library, sometimes I will just cry and feel sorry for myself, sometimes I will send a nasty email to someone. Hey, I never said that all my coping mechanisms were good ones, but they are useful and the feeling doesn’t usually last too long.

About the “calling a friend to see them” solution, sometimes I do it because I feel lonely, but luckily I mostly do it because I just want to spend time with my friends. But there is something which I don’t get and which you should probably know about me if you want to stay my friend. I don’t understand why some people never seem to call you for anything even when they seem to enjoy the time with you. I mean...really...I just don’t get it. I get it if they don’t like spending time with you and if they’re not interested in knowing what’s going on with you, but that’s often not the case...they just don’t call for whatever reason: they’re too busy; they have too many friends, whatever! I do have a bad tendency to stop calling these people after a while, not because I don’t like spending time or talking with them, not because I have that many friends to spare, but because I just get tired of always being the one who call...That being said I am grateful for the friends I do have and for the friends I have had in the past...even those which I don't call anymore...Have a good day friends!

Bittersweet race...

I thought that today would be the first time I would write a race report. I was wrong. I will just say this. This race was particularly important to me because it is the first race I registered for consciously knowing that I would run through it. I actually registered for the 5k of this event in January. I ended up doing the 10k today and I have ran four 5k's this summer. Today was a celebration of all that I have accomplished since December. I have lost 70 lbs, I am running...a lot, I am swimming...often, I have changed my life in more ways than one and I have conquered a lot of fears. I ran the 10k in 1 hour and 20 minutes which is not too bad considering that it was an accomplishment to just run one minute back in January. So today was about celebrating life with my family.

Today, I was also reminded of how fragile life can be. After I was done with my race and I was going back home walking next to the people who were doing marathons and half-marathons, a guy fell right in front of me and his head hit the ground. He was not breathing...People tried to ressucitate him and the ambulance was called. I later learned on the news that a 32 year old man died at the marathon. It could be him, but it could also be a number of other people because as I was making my way home after that I saw a at least 3 other men who were lying on the sidewalks getting help. I pray that the guy we saw is alright, but even if he is, there is still another young man who died today. This guy died doing something that has given me my life back. This guy pushed his limits and I admire that. This guy also reminds me to make sure that when I go out running or doing any other thing that makes me push my limits, I need to take calculated risks. This guy mostly reminds me that life is fragile and that I need to cherish every minute of it, that I need to keep conquering my fears because that's what life is all about and that I need to keep telling the people I care about that they are important to me because I never know when I won't be able to.

My thoughts are with his family tonight...

Why don't you sit down?

When you’re overweight, you sometimes have to be careful where you sit down. Yesterday, an overweight woman came sitting next to me. I was role-playing a patient while she was coming in to do her exam. She stumbled a bit as she sat down, but everything was OK. The evaluator later told me that she had worried that she wouldn’t fit in the chair or that she would fall or something and I hadn’t thought about it, but I could totally see that happening. I’m so glad it didn’t though, that would probably have made her real nervous starting her exam.

And that made me think back to when I was overweight and I had to worry about where I sat down because it happened at times. I was always careful of seats that didn’t look too solid and sometimes sat very slowly just to see if it was safe to make myself real comfortable.

I was often wondering if I would fit between 2 people in the bus and sometimes I would have to stay up because I knew I wouldn’t. I still wonder sometimes and I’m happily surprised when I do sit and realise that I actually fit in there with some space left on both sides!

It also took me a while to do exercises where I needed to sit on a stability ball because I worried that it would explode right under me.

I remember a few times where I had to sit on Santa and all I could think of was...poor guy...and I was really careful to put all my weight on my feet rather than on my ass to make it a little easier for him.

So yes...I would avoid sitting down sometimes, not because I wasn’t tired, but because...well...you never knew. And some of those seats with the handles on the sides were just very uncomfortable...

Now that I think about it though, I never actually fell...maybe because I was so careful about where I sat, I don’t know. And the people I did see who actually fell in front of me were not overweight. They were either drunk or the chair was probably long overdue to break, but nobody hurt themselves. I'm thinking of one instance in particular where my friend sat on a camping chair on my balcony, and the chair just broke and she just sat there in the broken chair for a bit with her ass on the floor and her legs extending outside the chair. It was hilarious! And let’s be honest! It was just plain funny every single time!

What is it about running?

I started running on January 6^th of this year. I had actually decided to run in November and started working with a coach towards that goal in December. I couldn’t run right away because I had some pain in my leg (as I write this I can’t even remember where the pain was), but I went to an osteopath and she gave me the OK to start running a bit in January.

Did I think I could run? Not really. Was I scared to do it? Hell yeah! The first time I ran one whole minute on the treadmill I felt like crying and kept thinking I couldn’t do it. And when I did, I was VERY surprised to find out that I hadn’t fallen or that I hadn’t broken the treadmill! Really!!!

I have now been running for almost 8 months. I ran an hour and a half this morning. I ran four 5ks this summer and I’m planning to run a 10k in September. Originally, my goal was to run my first 5k in September. Little did I know that my coach had other plans for me. Thanks to her, I have spent the last 9 months constantly surprising myself. Take a look at her blog: http://www.trimommylife.com/. She’s awesome!

So, what is it about running that keeps me going?

·  I love the feeling of getting a big breath of fresh air at the beginning of my day

·  It makes me feel like I’m achieving something special (not that many people run)

·  It gives me energy to begin my day

·  It allows me to see that I keep improving when I compare my results from one day to the next, from one race to the next

·  It makes me feel strong

·  I can do it!

·  It allows me to lose weight much faster

·  It makes me believe that I can try anything I want. If I could run this much when I never thought I could, what else could I do that I never thought I could?

If you are running, what is it that keeps you running? If you’re not running, I highly encourage you to give it a try. Don’t start too big though and do get a coach if possible. Even though running is something that we naturally know how to do, there are things you should avoid if you don’t want to hurt yourself! If you’re thinking “she’s crazy, there’s no way I can run”, all I can tell you is I’ve been there. A friend of mine once told me “anybody can tri” (meaning do a triathlon) and my response was “this isn’t just a little fat you know!”, but she maintained her position and said that some people walk during a triathlon (some triathlons anyways). All the while, I was thinking “if I ever do a tri, I won’t be doing it walking!” and that’s what made me want to run...eventually! So there we go, I am now a runner and I plan to be one as long as possible! You want to join me for a race?

Missing the point!

Alright! People seem to be missing the point here! Clearly, I did not communicate what I meant to communicate on my latest post. I've had three people write me messages telling me how beautiful I am in response to my post. I appreciate it, but I just wanna say that I was not fishing for compliments. Now, this may be presumptuous of me, but I KNOW that I'm beautiful! Even, when I was fatter I thought I was cute, so that's really not the point. The point was that sometimes we won't take the time to get to know someone better because they don't look that good on the surface or because they look different from us, but that if you do take the time, I bet you'll find that's it was really worth it. It was not about all the beautiful compliments that I got lately, I love those and I keep those. It was not about getting more, although it's always nice to hear, the point was just that : do not let your perceptions stop you from getting to know someone better and do tell people what you appreciate from them...whether it is physical, emotional, intellectual, social, or whatever... because it's always nice to hear what people like about you! And I am talking about people in general...not me specifically :)

You're beautiful!

One thing is for sure, when you lose 65 lbs, your looks change a bit. In the last few weeks, I have had quite a few people telling me how good I look: “wow! You look beautiful!”; “I can’t recognise you”; “you look really good”, etc. On the one hand, I love these comments, because it acknowledges all the work that I have done in the last 8 months and because it makes me feel good. On the other hand, it makes me wonder...if people tell me that I look good now, but never told me that before, does it mean I looked that bad before? Could people really not see beyond that fat and see what I really looked like before? Some people think I’ve changed. On the surface, I have. I exercise more, I have changed physically, I will allow myself to do things that I didn’t do before. But really...deep down I’m still the same person, a person who loves to help people, a person who tries to be honest about who she is, a person who likes to keep busy, a person who loves to laugh and make people laugh, a person who loves playing games, etc. So really, do me a favour, the next time you look at someone who is fat and you think that he/she doesn’t look that good, take a few minutes to try and figure out who this person really is. You might actually be surprised! You might actually find them much more beautiful than some people who just look great on the surface!

I am grateful for...

Skinny pants has been on a negativity path lately. Training is fine, eating is...well...ok. The work is good. But old issues have come back to haunt me and have gotten me down a bit. I don't like that. I'm trying to find ways to get back to being positive and to enjoy what's going on rather than what's "not going on". So, in the spirit of being positive, here is a list of top 10 things (actually 11, I couldn't figure out which one to take out) which I am grateful for these days, in no particular order (if you look closely, you'll notice that half of those are about losing weight or exercising. What can I say? That's a big part of my life right now!) Here it is :

1- I am grateful that I have lost 63 lbs since the beginning of December for a grand total of 103 lbs since I started to lose weight a few years ago.
2- I am grateful that my vacations are coming up.
3- I am grateful that I was able to run two races this year and that another two (maybe three) are coming up!
4- I am grateful for my parents, my sisters, my nephews and my niece.
5- I  am grateful for my coach and for how she cares about what happens to me.
6- I am grateful for the friends that I have.
7- I am grateful that I have started to run and for returning to swimming and biking.
8- I am grateful that I am able to help people through volunteering.
9- I am grateful that I get to go train with my coach in August.
10- I am grateful that I have accepted God back into my life.
11- I am grateful that I get to go back to school in the Fall while keeping my job part time.

Believe!!!

I wrote before that I don't think losing weight is about motivation or at least not only about motivation. So, if it's not about motivation, what is it about? For me, it has been about believing. BELIEVING THAT I COULD DO IT! Believing that you can do it means that when you do fail, because it happens, you can get back in the game and try something different until you figure out what works, until you figure out what makes you fail. For example, last week was not a good week for me. I can say that I failed because I had French fries three days in a row...this has not happened in a very long time.  But this week it did for a variety of reasons : opportunity (I had to go out to restaurants a lot), pre-period cravings that lasted too long, loneliness, not writing what I eat and allowing myself to stuff myself on things I wouldn't normally eat and feeling bad about having to skip workouts.

I have a funny story about that last one. It's actually not funny, but it is. A few weeks ago, I was getting ready for a run on the treadmill. I had 5 minutes of quick walk done and I decided to drink a bit of water before I started to run. I was holding the bottle in my right hand and trying to open the top with my left hand and...all of a sudden...I have no freaking idea how it happened...but the treadmill started going faster and faster and faster. I had something in both my hands and I was at a loss to figure out how to stop the treadmill. Eventually, I managed to stop the machine, but not before I fell on it. I scratched my knee and had quite a few bruises to show off for it. It seemed to be just that for a bit. But then I started to have all sorts of pain and funny feelings in my leg during the week, so I reduced the exercise a bit. That being said, I'm happy to report that I ran my second 5k yesterday and there was no problems with the legs!

Back to believing. Any behavior modification requires believing that you can do it. That's the first step. I just heard a quote this week which says it all : If you believe you can do it, you will. If you believe you can't do it, you won't. It's as simple as that! Well not quite...Anyways, I think that behavior modification requires a lot of fighting with your brain. When your brain is telling you that you can't do something, you have to fight back and tell it to shut up (in a manner of speaking of course!). When your brain is throwing excuses at you for not doing something, you have to figure out a way to get rid of those excuses.

It's about believing that you're worth it, you're worth the energy that it will take you to change your behavior. It's about doing it too, but before you can do it, you have to be convinced that you can. Think of things that you were able to change in the past. Remember that you are strong and that when all is said and done, you can stop eating those French fries and get back to exercise (or stop smoking or stop using drugs or whichever behavior you want to change).